I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
