honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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