Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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