the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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