none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
someone owes me an orgasm
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
