When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can you bring me the toilet please
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize