Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
