I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
