I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
