Will you blow on my dice?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize