I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
