I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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