How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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