if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
