he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
