rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
