I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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