just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize