Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
