Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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