PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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