Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
