Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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