Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
