The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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