It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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