Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Are we still banned from the library?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize