It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
