I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
