You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
