oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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