Only a mothe r could love this liver
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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