We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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