I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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