I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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