Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
