Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
