he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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