Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
