For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
