I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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