He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I touched a dick in church today
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize