and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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