dude i'm inner monologue high
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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