I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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