we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
