he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
