we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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