Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
