I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
