babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
