I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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