after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
