she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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