Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
