If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
