I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Boobs are out for the taking
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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