i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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