just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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