I want to stick my p in your. b.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
