No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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