How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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