He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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