Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize