Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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