I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
