planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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