Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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